Biblical marriage and being “equally yoked”
Marriage was instituted by God in the beginning. It was entirely His doing, and not some convenient cultural convention of man, as some have wrongly suggested.
So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it (Genesis 1:27-28 NKJV)
God gives the reason for making mankind male and female:
And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” (Genesis 2:18 NKJV)
Alone, the man is incomplete. Together the man and the woman complete one another. After this original and foundational union, marriage is then described as the man leaving his parents, and cleaving to his wife, thus becoming “one flesh.”
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24 NKJV)
But this is still all God’s doing. The coming together to become one is what God does, not man. Our Lord Jesus teaches:
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:6 NKJV)
This is one reason why the currently all too common practice of casual cohabitation is sinful and destructive, namely that in doing this man is presumptuously claiming what is God’s sole perogative: the joining of a man and woman together in marriage. This cannot be emphasized too strongly, i.e. that Biblical marriage is a work of God, not man. It should therefore be regarded with all due reverence, and not taken lightly.
This is also why God hates divorce, because it is the violent rending and tearing apart of what God has joined together.
“For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.” (Malachi 2:16 NKJV)
“Becoming one flesh” refers to the physical union which includes not only the sexual act, but also the binding together of two souls. Paul states positively that this earthly union of man and wife is a mystery, in that it pictures the eternal union of Christ and His Bride, the Church:
For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:30-33 NKJV)
Paul states the same thing negatively, when he warns the Corinthians against sexual promiscuity:
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. (1 Corinthians 6:15-17 NKJV)
Concerning marriage as this union of a man and a woman, the apostle writes that Christians must not be “unequally yoked” with unbelievers. That is, a Christian should never marry a non-christian.
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? (2 Corinthians 6:14-16 NKJV)
The metaphor of a ‘yoke’ refers to the wooden beam placed over the necks of a pair of oxen to enable them to pull together on a load while working. The implication is that in order to accomplish something, the two oxen must be pulling in the same direction, and at the same pace.
If a person has been born of God, that person is a new creation in Jesus.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17 NKJV)
As one who has been born of God, the aims and goals and trajectory of a Christian are intrinsically at odds with an unbeliever. They are in fact diametrically opposed. It is therefore impossible that a born-again Christian and an unbeliever could pull together with a common purpose. The Christian is oriented toward heaven, seeking to walk with and serve the Lord Jesus who has given her life. The non-believer, however good and moral he may be, is oriented toward the things of earth, and ultimately serving himself.
In entering into marriage, a Christian should be careful and discerning about her potential partner. It is not enough that he say the right things, i.e. that he professes himself to be a believer. We know that “even the demons believe, and tremble.” In other words, he must not just know about God, but show evidence in his life that he knows God.
And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. (John 17:3 NKJV)
Jesus said that we will know them by their fruits. We should observe the life and the conversation of our potential mate, looking to see the life of Jesus in him. One clear indication is given by our Lord, namely do we love another:
By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35 NKJV)
